There seems to be so much that I want to say.. but I can't find the right words.. I feel blessed, yet at the same time I question things about life or people in life..
Diary is so hard to keep... at least for me, because things happen every seconds, and around every corner there is something that is hurtful, something that is joyful, and something that I appreciate and love. It's hard to capture all the mixed emotions all at the same time...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Last Straw That Broke the Camel's Back
Maybe I am too selfish, hating the fact that I'm not the "priority" and that I'm not being treated the way I think I should be treated.
Maybe I am too self-centered, thinking that "I" am important too... regardless of what goes on in your life.
Maybe I'm expecting too much because I thought we were family.. but you made me feel like a back-up, and a second-class citizen.
If I were in your shoes, I would've attended my wedding, regardless of what is happening in my own life, because I've put together your bachlorette party, helped you with your invitations, flew 1700 miles back to attend your reception, helped you month-sit (or tried), and helped paid for your month-sitting.. but most important of all, because I'm your sister, and I was there for you when you needed me.
If I were in your shoes, and I really couldn't make it to the wedding. I would've at least called, or texted, to congratulate me. Rather than being on a trip to San Diego. I would at least be apologetic for not being able to go, and would've had a better reason than "I'm not in the mood" to not come, because I'm your sister, and that is the least you could've done.
Sometimes I wonder if all I have done for you is worth it... I thought you would be there for me when I needed you, but you weren't. I thought you would appreciate it, but I don't think you do. Of all the time I tried to be there for you.. you told me, I'm not a priority for your son and daughter, and that you ditch me over and over again for the person who hurted you. You even dare to ask for the tickets to the zoo so you could go with the bastard. Not even be mindful of the fact that we got the membership only so we could take your son and daughther there. It's not about whether you took the tickets in the end.. but the fact that you have no respect for me or care how I feel.
I don't know if you actually care how I feel or think... or perhaps I'm just an mean to an end.. so you can get what you (or your kids) want through me.. since you spend so little time maintaining and protecting our relationship.
I'm tired of feeling being used .. and regardless of whether we are related or not.. I am moving on with my life. You can be whatever and whoever you want ... do whatever you want.. I wish you well, but the next time something happens in your life.. please don't expect me to be there for you. The era of sisterhood is over.
The last straw has broken the camel's back.. and nothing will ever be the same anymore..
Maybe I am too self-centered, thinking that "I" am important too... regardless of what goes on in your life.
Maybe I'm expecting too much because I thought we were family.. but you made me feel like a back-up, and a second-class citizen.
If I were in your shoes, I would've attended my wedding, regardless of what is happening in my own life, because I've put together your bachlorette party, helped you with your invitations, flew 1700 miles back to attend your reception, helped you month-sit (or tried), and helped paid for your month-sitting.. but most important of all, because I'm your sister, and I was there for you when you needed me.
If I were in your shoes, and I really couldn't make it to the wedding. I would've at least called, or texted, to congratulate me. Rather than being on a trip to San Diego. I would at least be apologetic for not being able to go, and would've had a better reason than "I'm not in the mood" to not come, because I'm your sister, and that is the least you could've done.
Sometimes I wonder if all I have done for you is worth it... I thought you would be there for me when I needed you, but you weren't. I thought you would appreciate it, but I don't think you do. Of all the time I tried to be there for you.. you told me, I'm not a priority for your son and daughter, and that you ditch me over and over again for the person who hurted you. You even dare to ask for the tickets to the zoo so you could go with the bastard. Not even be mindful of the fact that we got the membership only so we could take your son and daughther there. It's not about whether you took the tickets in the end.. but the fact that you have no respect for me or care how I feel.
I don't know if you actually care how I feel or think... or perhaps I'm just an mean to an end.. so you can get what you (or your kids) want through me.. since you spend so little time maintaining and protecting our relationship.
I'm tired of feeling being used .. and regardless of whether we are related or not.. I am moving on with my life. You can be whatever and whoever you want ... do whatever you want.. I wish you well, but the next time something happens in your life.. please don't expect me to be there for you. The era of sisterhood is over.
The last straw has broken the camel's back.. and nothing will ever be the same anymore..
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Newly Wed
It was an intersting weekend in Vegas...
So many couples got married in Vegas on 10-10-10, a couple even flew in from Germany~! So many brides in their pretty gown walking on the strip and inside every casinos... I wonder if planning our anniversary a year from now will be a pain in the butt..
It doesn't feel too different being a wife, but I did get a little teary eyes when the judge was marrying us.. :P
So many couples got married in Vegas on 10-10-10, a couple even flew in from Germany~! So many brides in their pretty gown walking on the strip and inside every casinos... I wonder if planning our anniversary a year from now will be a pain in the butt..
It doesn't feel too different being a wife, but I did get a little teary eyes when the judge was marrying us.. :P
Friday, October 8, 2010
Cold War.... or Cold Feet?
In two days, I will be going from Miss to Mrs... but last night something happened... For something so insignificant, he raised his voice and stormed out of the room. His inconsideration and bad temper left me feeling hurt and violated. If we are so in love, how can he be so selfish and irresponsible of his own words. If this is love, then why do I feel that my feelings are so neglected? I don't think I was at fault, for refusing to take on a task that I had clearly point out that I would not do from the beginning. So why am I guilty of a crime that I did not commit?
This morning, he acted as if nothing had happened, and called out to me with his usual sweet voice... but I ignored him. I left the house when he was in the bathroom... As I closed the door behind me, I feel some things and feeling will never be the same anymore.
So... what should I do.. in 2 days?
This morning, he acted as if nothing had happened, and called out to me with his usual sweet voice... but I ignored him. I left the house when he was in the bathroom... As I closed the door behind me, I feel some things and feeling will never be the same anymore.
So... what should I do.. in 2 days?
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